Mistakes N Forgiveness

ever wonder about mistakes that we make. i made some major mistakes in my life...i think most normal person would..unless u r the perfectionist type like ms.van der camp hehehe anyway of all my mistakes there is one particular mistake that haunt me right now…actually for quite some time...and im sooo worried that its gonna haunt me for the rest of my life!!!!! how can i make sucha mistake when my whole life i avoid this kinda mistake????!!!! i really have to beat my self up...which obviously not going to do any good...so the best thing is that i have to learn to live with it.…..or I can learn to forgive myself. The hardest thing to do is forgive myself…its like I know it’s a mistake and I did it…so its my fault. Or should I used the short cut…which is fun…to blame the others, blame the society, blame the government, my personal favourite blame the guys coz they are the jerks…for non-jerk guys no offence ya….hahaha talking about jerks… I have met the most outstanding jerks of all. I think this guy will win the best jerk of all time….and rats if u reading the ‘mata juling’ will win the second best. Not only these 2 guys among the best jerks they are also the best actors I have eva came across….damn they can ACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I seriously suggest themto take up acting…it will be so easy for them to ride up to Hollywood. Geez…I wonder sometimes what make them think that the whole world is stupid except for them…ok enough about jerks!!! My blood pressure is going up and up talking about them.
Im looking for small little tiny tiny space in my heart to forgive this jerk…but its so difficult for me to even match the word forgiveness to that person's face. its a suffer for me to not able to forgive this person, its like eating my heart out...evryday thinking and thinking about it. I even think of a way to take revenge,...ya me revenge??? thats not me at all!!!for the record im just thinking of a way just to satisfy my anger…im not tat crazy to actually to do it. Im still bonded by moral values hehehe. Usually for a non special case I can easily forgive plp....i might not forget but i will forgive....and move on.…but this particular case too extra special case its so difficult to forgive…… i really need professional help i guess hahaha
Anyway I believe time will tell whether I can forgive or not…