Thursday, January 31, 2008

First

My first blog entry in blogspot, my friend KKD aka Annette K @ http://life-as-it-is-life.blogspot.com have inspired me to blog again hehe I have been lazy for a while…and lost interest but after talking to her dn kn y …im just inspired. I transfered most of my blog entry from a different site and compile it here as in older post….just thought it would be a better idea. Anyway I will try to write about my life tale as much as possible from now and then.
This would be my very first blog for 2008, sure the time flies. It’s a not a very good start of 2008 for me. I have discovered something that I need to get fixed or shall I say removed asap. Anyways looking forward to blog more soon….

What I have been up to lately….

Im in the midst of preparing a new list of things that I wanna do!! I gotta feeling the list going to be a long one

making my bro life miserable nagging n bugging him, whenever I see him for throwing plastic bottles. I purposely set up 3 dustbin (1 for paper, 1 for plastic bottles and another one is the normal rubbish) but he is so so so adamant that he only uses one dustbin and the best part he throws rubbish around the bin and not in!! im so so fed up with him. That’s not all he leave his shoes everywhere except the shoe rack. He throws his clothes all over the floor, expect laundry bag …the laundry bag filled with plastic bottles. You may wonder y there are too much of plastic bottles, my great brother only drinks mineral water. So my house oops sorry his house filled with mineral bottles empty mineral bottles..its drives me crazy. I avoid drinking bottled water coz I dnt wanna use plastic. I dnt kn what im gonna do with him.

make a pact with 2 different frens to do 2 different things, to achieve something. I cant mention what the 2 things are coz both of them will kills me haha I dnt wanna die young

Trying to set up a gathering with ex-HSBC clan…to catch up things, which is close to impossible, I dnt understand why though. So im so determine now to make this happen…BTW this one of the item in the wanna do list…so its no more a want to meet thing it’s a must meet thingy.

Im have been catching up with friends that I haven’t spoke to in a really really long time.

im planning to bring my mum some where nice for her birthday or shall I throw a surprise party. Still under planning.

Looking forward to the F1 races (everyweek), coz since ferari back so now they can kick Alonso’s butt. This is the only time me and my bro sit together and agree on something, so for me F1 weekends are bonding time with my bro. Its funny how my brothers have influenced my life. Especially when it comes to Football and F1 my brothers thought me almost everything. My job there its to sit with them and ask why that and why this. and now when it comes to F1 I could inform one or 2 things that my brother doesn’t know…for me that is amazing feeling. Then my bro told me recently, not bad u getting getting better than me haha that’s a complement!!!

im having too much of beckham fever lately, since his much publicized move to LA Galaxy, the best part he is not playing against Chelsea this weekend. I wonder how his teammate feel about him haha. Its true what they say about Becks PR team “they could sell ice cubes to the Eskimos”. the wife is the one who mengada tooo much , if not for becks she would be no body, like the other ‘retired’ spice girls, i cant believe they gonna tour, gosh I think the other 4 members kesempitan duit that is y they came up with the idea…and for posh more attention!! Oh yea I have to state becks is getting hotter and hotter haha

Looking for new job opportunities not that im having prob here its just that im bored. I need new challenge if possible new environment.

lately I have been eating healthily, im making effort to be healthy, its no more getting that dreams abs its no more losing weight, its no more toning body, my eating habits going to be purely healthy. I cant effort to have yo-yo body weight any more, I scared in the long run im gonna suffer the consequences.

in relation to the healthy eating im gonna adopt healthy lifestyle which gonna include physical activities…the sound of it already made me tired : ( Cant afford to slack this one coz I have a pact with someone on this haha oops sorry…

My Latest Obession

Well haha its Sendhil Ramamurthy haha...my freind as usual thinks im nuts hahaha nothing new though. i told her "he is like the mould of how would my dream guy look like...if he realy exist" she goes like "get a LIFE" haha...gosh i cant believe how exactly he resembles my dream guy. the key word here is DREAM : P
So yea i kn pathetic haha hey everyone entitled to have dream. anyways i have soemthing to look forward on wednesday :) btw he is married and have a one-year-old daugther...just to share info... not that i have "dream" to marry him or soemthing liek that hahahaha

shocked

I had shocked of my life when I got to know some “recent development” of a friend. i know this guy ...yea guy of coz ;) he actually married...not only he married wihth an older woman im talking about more than 10years of age diffrence...not only that he convert his religion on top of that. Oh gosh why oh why…such a waste. I guess this would be “shock of 2007” nothing can top this “development”!!!! Again such a waste!!!! Did I mention waste…ok I did : (
then again i dnt wanna be sucha bitch saying its a waste and stuff...maybe he finds happiness with her...only god knows. btw she has couple kids i think. our mutual freind who actually met her before told me that she look like his aunty. im so so curious to meet her.i will update about her if i eva met her hehe

It has been a while

It has been quite sometime since I scribble something…just been busy with nothing haha. Actually not busy just plain lazy and tired.
CNY is coming good news…long holiday hurray…break from work. Oh talking about work…I had to make major decision about my job. I was offered a job in overseas still haven’t made up my mind yet whether to go or not to go. I have a lot of mix advices from plp around me…decision…decision n more decisions.
During this dilemmatic (is there sucha word) period…I had opportunity to relax abit…I went to batu caves(not during thaipusam) with my bro, presen n the fly. It was good take my mind off from a lot of problems mostly fly related n work obviously…sometimes I feel my life revolves around work so much…man that’s pathetic. It was my visit to temple after like 2 years…I don’t avoid going to temple..is just that I feel that’s not the only way to embrace spirituality. Anyway that’s not how I limit myself to be spiritual. But I must admit the temple ambience is good to calm one self down….i like the peaceful feeling mixed wit the smell…of coz minus the small number of irritating plp, who are not civilised.
I haven’t seen presen for quite some time..so I had so much fun talking to her. She is like a younger sister that I neva had…I always wished to have sister...guess now is too late to wish for that. We catch up on “things”. btw she bought a new camera phone ….so can figure out what happen next when we were together wit the phone hehe. We click click away from the starting to the end..not only with her phone…but my phone as well…and that is not enough we used the digital camera as well hahaha. It was fun spending time with her after a while…I should spent more time wit her. I always promise I will go out wit her …but neva kept my promise. Thinking of get/do something nice on her birthday, which is like next month.

2006

I remember so clearly where I was and who I was with the last new year eve…now comes another new year!! Wow time does flies…
Ok lets analyst what happen …hmmm a lot things had been said n done…lets start with sad stories…the thing I cant accept…I found out some of my friends are sick…especially chronic n life threatening…hopefully 2007 brings them confidence and strength to fight against their disease. All I can tell them just look at Lance Armstrong. Doctors told him he only had 50% of survival rate but the truth was only 7%!!! But look at him today….after 7 championships and still going with life…healthier and stronger… he such an inspiration.
Oh I had great birthday this year was a month back …one year older and a year wiser…at least I believe so…had a really small and quite but meaningful birthday with ratna and jesse. Of coz they have to embarrass me on my birthday join force with the club manager…I hate u guys for that!!!!…I receive a gift hamper and cake from very very un excepted person…I was very very very flattered to receive it from that person…under some unavoidable circumstances I could not name that person…just for the record it’s a HE hehe.
What else…I had great time 3days paid vacation haha actually it was a conference organise by the company …. outing kindda thingy…its damn damn boring from 7am –5pm….after that its party all night long : ) Me and my colleague had great time….especially my personal favourite was the 2nd night. Im gonna miss it when I resign from this company.
Today i receive hamper full of chocolates haha It suppose to be my Christmas gift…not bad I received quite number of gifts this year. Ok let me see 2006 I think I received 4 gift hampers and 3 of it was completely chocolates so much for my weight maintenance regimen.
Oh talking about weight…my worse nightmare…I gain some un wanted weight beginning of the year. It made everyone around me to comment about my weight especially my parents. I was so so determine to loose weight…which I did manage. Im happy coz I really did my so called research…read n read about diets, exercise n all I wanted to know about weight lost. One thing I learn is that there is no short cut….all I did was to reduce my calorie intake n increase my physical activity. For me this sounds fair and reasonable…and exactly this is what I did…no miracles my weight didn’t went off in 1 week…it took me like few months…gradually I notice difference.. And guess what… the best part I was called VAIN for doing this!!!!! I was like what so vain about im trying to improve myself to make myself happy?! Repeatedly I was called vain…heck I don’t give a damn…I continue to do what I think is right…not what other plp think is right. But the sad part is that if a stranger said that I wouldn’t care…..
im ending 2006 by being angry with ALL my bros…they either disappoint me…irritate me…or take me for granted….so im angry with them…and im gonna show that im angry …haha that’s gonna be nightmare for them…im gonna let them taste their own medicine. 2007 no more nice sister…definitely not going to be nice …I think wanna be the nasty sister…yeap
Friends I don’t wanna even start with it…but definitely I know who im keeping…
Lovelife…hehe let me keep it a secret for the time being….
Work …definitely need a new job…although im so comfortable here…best part always receiving free stuff…presents and hampers and gifts…meet interesting plp and VIPs and lots of kwai lows …but I have to move on…:( its sad but I need new environment and free start. Oh talking about new gonna attend interview next week aiyoh…the same old process all over again!
Finally I realise that there are nice guys out there! Really its comforting to know that the world is not filled with jerks…
Same thing I learn year in n year out :
- Some idiots no matter how much u care they will neva appreciate…
- how some plp u can neva satisfy / please…no.1 in my list is my dad …until today I don’t know what he wants out of me!! The prob is he measures success by comparing!!
- Some plp are born as devils..i cant do anything about it.
- Trust/Respect have to be gain and not to be given.
- I still like David Beckham and adore Angelina Jolie hahaha

Worth Reading

The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. It will destroy you.

A human being should strive for four things in life — dharma (duty), artha (money), kama (pleasure) and moksha (salvation). A person who hasn't strived for even one of these things has wasted life.

A man is great by deeds, not by birth.

A person should not be too honest. Just as straight trees are chopped-down first, honest people are taken advantage of first.

A rich man has many friends.

A woman is four times as shy, six times as brave and eight times as lusty as a man.

An egoist can be won over by being respected, a crazy person can be won over by allowing him to behave in an insane manner and a wise person can be won over by truth.

As centesimal droppings will fill a pot so also are knowledge, virtue and wealth gradually obtained.

As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it.

Avoid him who talks sweetly before you but tries to ruin you behind your back, for he is like a pitcher of poison with milk on top.

Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions — Why am I doing it? What the results might be? And Will I be successful? Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead.

Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person.

Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere. Education beats the beauty and the youth.

Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous.

God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple.

He who befriends a man whose conduct is vicious,whose vision impure, and who is notoriously crooked,is rapidly ruined.

If you get to learn something even from the worst of creatures, don't hesistate.

In a state where the ruler lives like a common man,the citizens live like kings do. And in the state where the ruler lives like a king, the citizens live like beggers do.

Jealousy is another name for failure.

Never go on a long journey alone.

Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness.

Once you start working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest.

One who is in search of knowledge should give up the search of pleasure and the one who is in search of pleasure should give up the search of knowledge.

The four greatest enemies of a man are — the father who has taken a loan, the characterless mother, the beautiful but promiscuous wife and the stupid child.

The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all directions.

The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman.

There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth.

Whores don't live in company of poor men, birds don't build nests on a tree that doesn't bear fruits and citizens never support a weak administration.

Wise men should never go into a country where there are no means of earning one's livelihood, where the people have no dread of anybody, have no sense of shame, no intelligence, or a charitable disposition.

Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends.

Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275BC) - Prime Minister of the Mauryan Empire

Sadly its true…

"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no Friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth." Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
if I had read this few years ago I would neva eva believe…but today after I have seen what I have “seen” over the years I am a believer…imagine this chanakya dude found out this bitter truth in BC! Well….let just say I don’t doubt all my frens…only the so called frens…or my fav term courtesy frens(cf). I guess…I don’t know what im guessing also haha.
im happy that I found good friends among these courtesy people...i chose the best ones haha. As always I try my best to count the blessing I have every single day. The sad thing is that even though I try to get over with this cf issue by forgiving them and u know try to make effort to at least remain as frens…but whenever im talking to them in the back of my head I always wonder are they acting or being genuine. I really really have no idea. They sound so convincing but they are actions totally opposite of what they say! Anyway...again i quite dnt kn what to conclude...what im doing and will be doing...will be exactly like what they do. Just pretend!
Anyway, this month is full of birthdays including mine hehe. Wonder what kindda presents im gonna get this year…I got an early birthday present from my mom…I count that as one la…so hoping for more…so frens this is the time of the year u should show me how much u all love me by showering me with gifts…im not kidding : ) alternatively u may show ur love by introducing me to a new job or cute guys…I don’t mind at all ; )

Festive Greetings

Im back to my normal ‘looking at the positive side’ mood. What worst could happen right? Anyway I have already plan out few so called strategies to survive in office. Holidays are coming around, so im gonna try to enjoy my precious off days! Maybe meet up with old frens…spend time with family and frens…go back to basic and appreciate what I have on hand right now. Coz u may neva know what going to happen tomorrow.
So happy holidays and festive greetings to everyone. Take care.. for those who are driving pls pls be extra caution on the road. For me im taking the public transport to reduce my probability of ending up as a part of the statistic.

Trouble again….No its not guy trouble this time

I have been having some tough time at work…not because I screw up…actually it got nothing to do with me…something happen that my boss have to leave thecountry. Things have to happen just when my boss and I starting to accept each other…its so unfair… its very sad I know im not very fond of my boss. I hated him once in my life…but now I don’t hate him anymore…actually its hard for me to say this...I actually starting to like him and look at him as a father figure!
Now im left clueless and confused….im not sure what going to happen to me..i don’t know which department they gonna chuck me into! I know there is one vacancy in a department under my boss but im praying hard so so damn hard not to be transferred there…if I were to be transferred there nothing much I can do other than resign. But this bonus time I cant resign!!!!! I need my bonus whether I like it or not I have to stay up to march to collect my bonus..will get 2, one contractual in Dec another performance in March..So the only option I have SUCKS!!!!!
For the past 2 weeks I have been keep thinking all my other option and especially drafting out strategy if I were to be transferred to the “sucks” department. Idon’t like it there just because of a bitch…I have neva seen a horribly irritating…boss sucking woman in my life!!!!! She is evil…. really really evil…I have nowords to describe. I think I have written about her previously....she is a devil in disguise. anyway all i can do now is just crossi my fingers and hope for the best
!

:)

Some one ask me today…am I still in happy mood…hell yeah!! haha. there are little things that annoying me at the moment, like there is someone who is takingadvantage of me (thinking that I don’t know…that person fail to realise that im just letting it happen coz im gaining something as well hehe), some one pissing me, someone annoying me….other than that…Im happy…like I said nothing is perfect in this world. oh by the way …I tak puas hati over steve Irwin’s dead…its not fair…well life is not fair! I still cannot come to term with the fact “life is not fair”….a lot of things happen in my life since the last blog but one incident worth mentioning …about my boss. He actually being nice to me…actually xtra nice to me…that freaks me out. my heart like wanna burst the other…when he ask me “ have u taken ur lunch” …trust me I almost fainted out of surprise. I could not register the question the first time…he noticed so he ask again …with even nicer tone “ have u taken ur lunch” gosh!!….i was like “ eerr yeah”. I took time to answer coz I was scared that it was supposed to be a trick question. Then I realise it wasn’t! its was a genuine …concern…care… question from my BOSS!!!!!Something is really weird happening to him. Im working for him since November 2004…its like in another 1 month will be exactly 2years…and this is the 1st time let me repeat 1st time I heard that question. This is the boss who dnt like plp to go out for lunch…for him its waste of time…so every time I have to take quick lunch. Just gab something in the pantry….which eventually became habit. I hardly go out with my colleague for lunch…which I would say eventually became a habit too. So if anyone wanna go out lunch with me …they will inform me earlier…to see whether im free or not. Pity me : (I have notice recently he been treating me nice…he calls my name so soft and sweet…which makes me eewww. He is turning into nice man!!!! So plp do change…im witnessing it…. but let me wait until my appraisal then I will really know for sure whether he change or not. He is not an evil man to begin with but he is just unbearable….full of sarcasms, temperamental and the list pretty much can go on. I wonder what triggered or triggering him. The other day he actually ask what I think of the presentation slide…what happen to the “im always right man”. Change is ok but not too much and too fast. Oh well…I guess this means im gonna stick around here longer haha. I wonder how this will reflect on my bonus. I really really hope for a fat bonus, so I could use the extra cash for a holiday trip.

weird

Something really weird happen to me few days ago. I had my ph reminder buzzing “pls wake up ‘so and so’” the reminder was set for 8am. I was curious coz I cant remember when I set the reminder. so I sms that person and said “hey I don’t know y but I have this weird reminder requesting me to wake u up “ the person goes “ @#$% I sms u yesterday *&^%$”. So I quickly checked my sms and true enough I receive sms “ babe pls wake me up at 8am” I almost fainted the moment I read that sms. I cant remember a single thing…seriously I cant remember…I don’t recollect any single detail. I slept around 12 something and the message was at 1 something cant be im in a deep sleep. Its bizarre…usually I will at least remember things vaguely when I do something during sleep. I will recall my dreams w/o a prob…this is reality. And strange enough I didn’t even dream that day or did I? I actually was thinking the possibly of someone else setting my ph…but totally ridiculous thought…its impossible. The incident really bothers me I try to recall but no luck…. I think I over exercise…that’s the only explanation I can give to myself. I was too tired of all the extra load of physical activity…. usually Im too lazy to exercise. One of my colleagues was preaching about her yoga lessons …and how it made her more flexible…the word “more flexible” caught my attention. So I went back and dig my collection of exercise vcds …and I found the yoga vcd which I think I only used it once / twice. So my mission was too have “more flexibility” for let just say…hhhmmmm…for some interesting reason ; ) I don’t know how flexible I got but definitely I got SORE…sore like hell….especially my back…I have to admit I over stressed my self on getting too flexible too fast ; P After all these suffering I still cant remember what happen that night!!

Depress …what?! …who?! ; )

im all smiles on a Monday morning haha…it amazing what a good rest…good companion and good party can do for u. im back!! until my ex-boss ask “why so happy”…I go like “do I need a reason to be happy?”
Its amazing how plp can spot when u r happy….i think I smile and grin too much that’s how plp notice hehe So I will spread the joy and happiness to the world on this lovely day. Anyone try to irritate me..im just gonna say “ god bless u…my child” hehe.
Life has been fair to me…when the going gets tough…its shows me an alternative solution for it…although I think its temporary but I have no complains! “When fate hand us a lemon, let’s try to make lemonade” - Dale Carnegie.
Oh by the way I have lost my boss’s room key…I have no idea where I drop it…I trace back all the places that I have been for the past week but I just don’t know where I put it or drop it. Anyway I have to be as much happy as possible today…coz definitely I will get screwing tomorrow when I ask my boss for his key to duplicate… die die…its ok I think I can handle it…I have few plans….
Plan A – to buat bodoh and kena marah
Plan B - just flash my million-dollar smile and act innocent
Plan C - beg the HR guys to gimme their spare key to duplicate (which is not easy, I have to write official email!)
So plan B a definite strike out, definitely not going to do that although it might work…but no way. Plan C …hmm something to think about too much of trouble…so I go for Plan A ….so tomorrow is my day to kena maki yeah yeah ….: ) I know the dialogues “ this is what u call being responsible…u cant take care of the damn key…how u expect me to believe that u gonna take care of my personal belongings n P&C matters” so I have to stand there and listen…and the great part is that I have to reason myself…need to explain how I lost it!! So tonite’s assignment write dialogue to defend my self. At least my boss doesn’t ask the question “Why? ” my ex-boss will ask only why question for example if u said u forget he will ask “why u forget to do ?!” how the hell im supposed to ans that ?? its ok tomorrow is another brand new day…hopefully I can locate the key..im still crossing my fingers. Anyway I got mission to do now….to spread happiness to everyone hehe ; )

Part 2 - How to tell im not interested

My friend Chris advice me to give it straight to his face…but I already gave indication that im not interested way too many times!!! once he ask me what type of guy I go for I ttook the golden opportunity and told total opposite of what he is hehe. lot of times straight to his face I told him that I don’t need his stuff….today he bought me lunch!!!!…the reason he claimed that he have taken my food stuff to his house accidentally!! Im like what the hell. he knows very well that i prepare my own lunch / breakfast..so called healthy living : P he knows that my stuff is always in one corner of the refrigerator, and how come he accidentally take my things? to think about it....maybe he purposely took it!!! why i always end up wiht "guy trouble" i always meet the extremes...either they are complete jerk....tooo psycho....tooo blur to even know that im not interested. the best part few years ago i met a psycho...to be exact nerdy psycho....he was crazy...real crazy...don’t know whats goign on inside of his head...he stare for no reason and yeah lucky me...im his target the scary part about him is that he will know details about me! and he will pop out of no where...and catch u by surprise, to escape from his was nightmare. anyways i told this blur guy with an angry face i dont want the lunch...u know what he said " i will leave it on ur desk" i was like ahh??? im telling u dont want and u ignoring me. then later what i did was i took the lunch pack and put it on his table and said " i dont want...u just give it to someone else" he goes like " no no u should have it" i just walk away...i walked away while he was explaining to me ...i felt bad ...felt like a complete jerk myself...but i have to do it right to make him really understand. u know what he did he came to my place and said..." just take it la...i belanja u since i have been promoted" i was like "no i dont want"… he went back to his place...i really thought he have given up....but again i was wrong...he came back with the lunch pack and put on my table " just have it" i was soooo pissed i almost wanted to scream at him...but i control coz dont want the others to know what’s going on...so i just show him the gesture of irritated and given up...so im planning to show face to him for the rest of the day. he make me feel so uncomfotable...i cant be enemy with him for one sole reason we work together and i dont wanna make my life miserable. i need his help ...i have to admit. ...not all the time but when i needed it. so im trying to keep good relationship...but he is making things hard for me.and also im gonna stop talking to him. i think i cant be miss nice manners anymore with this guy...he starting to get on my nerves. if plp wanna think that im rude or selfish or arrogant or whatever just @#$% them off. i cant take it anymore. and what am i supposed to do with the lunch and the great news it he bought nasi lemak !!!! oh my god...i neva eaten nasi lemak in ages... to think about it the psycho was much easier to handle hahaha plan for the day, i will prepare my own lunch... if he ask y im not eating his lunch i just gonna say " i dont feel like to" im gonna sounds like a real bitch..…I know what u thinking ratna......ya I know its comes naturally for me......thank u very much for the acknowledgment : D so I guess gotta throw the food la...u see he making me to add sin on top of sins. first i lie, then rude then now throw food. u know how much i try not to throw food, i was trained by my mom...since young she will neva allow us to throw food, she play with our psychology she will show the somalian kids and describe how they suffer w/o food and how we should appreciate it. so it become habit for me not to thorow food. oh gosh...i damn annoyed to come to work becoz of him. the sex maniacs within my department is better coz atleast i can handle them...u cant beat them u just join them - just figure of speech ; ) with them i exactly know what they want and what their intentions are...but this guy...i dont know i cant figure out what is real intentions are...maybe for all u know he just being overly friendly. sometimes i dont know he blur or acting blur god save me pls...if worst come to worst i will straight walk up to the CEO and request him to change me department...put me some where far from this guy. better still i will request myself to be changed to steven gerrard look alike's dept hehe...oh there is one can say boss la ....who looks like steven gerrard...he is young, cute, rich and single. but i got the strong hunch that he is a gay...but who cares...he is kindda an eye candy ; ) if u compare with rest of the whites here.

p/s: chris...if i tell him that im married, he will tell evryone then i cant have a "shot" with steven gerrard look alike hehe....i hope he swings both way LOL

How to say im not interested …..

I don’t know how to say NO to a guy!!!!! He his hitting on me with his best effort but im not interested. I don’t dare to say it straight to his face…I pity him. I feel bad to hurt his feelings. He is a nice guy but just that he is not my type…definitely not my type.
Aiyoh he do soo much things for me….buy me gifts…buy me lunch…dnt get me wrong I neva ask him to…he just leave things on my desk when im not around….many occasions I return the things back to him. When I return he will say hey ‘I just give it to u as appreciation of ur help and ur friendship…if u neva take it that means u r not sincere’ isn’t that emotional black mail! Once I told him off next time pls dnt buy anything for me w/o my knowledge.
I couldn’t help it…so I try to avoid him as much as possible….but he always will make effort to talk to me…mati la I kali ini…don’t know how to escape. If he is a jerk I know exactly how to handle him….but he is not…
he calls me for no apparent reason….just petty things he have to call. He will ask about my bf and my ex-bf…I question him before why u wanna know about my bf… he just said simply interested to know. usually I refuse to ans but he will insist …i will just smile and change topic. But u know what he listens to my telephone conversations!!!! Kindda scary! So he basically he knows mostly about my life…thru me when im chit chatting with my frens / mum.
I have tried my best to tell him that im not interested actually neva will be …hopefully he get the picture. Like today I neva ask his favour he help me to carry 10 reams of A4 paper that I have ordered…actually the HR guys can do it for me …but of coz he have to do it…to score points : p and that’s not all…when I say “thanks for bringing it for me…and u shouldn’t have too”. He goes like “how many of these ream of A4 paper that u can carry ?” I was like “eeerrrr…dnt know maybe 5/6” he continued “how many do u think I can carry? “ I was like do I really look like I care how many u can carry…non of my business… hello…im trying to finish up my work here before 6 …but of coz I have to ‘jaga hati’ …I ans “hhmmm 10 ream” he proudly said “no no I could carry 20”….whatever…..i said “ oh great” he wanted to chit chat but I politely continued my work. I just dnt want he to get the wrong idea and dnt want the other staffs to gossip about me. I have a very good reputation here …I dnt wanna jeopardise it …im not even interested in him!!!!! The other day he proudly told me that one of the boss ask him whether he like me or not…I was shocked …I ask him so what did u told them…he said he just kpt quite! I was what the hell. I told him…I dnt like all this nonsense. I make sure he knows that im irritated I really show face like to the max…plp who kn me should kn by now that I am the best when it come to showing face. I always get things or get away with things with my parents…my friend…my bf by showing face hehe. I dnt have to say single thing plp will kn im not statisfied…it’s a god given talent la what can I say ;) But lucky me…this guy is the first time…neva really get it…its true what they say…always there will be first time for everything.
The most uncomfortable thing about him is that…he likes to compliment…”oh u look very nice today”, “u look pretty today”, “can I say something…”dnt get me wrong ok…u look very beautiful today”, “can suggest something…u should wear skirt more often” “how come u neva makeup today” “whats wrong with ur hair today” “ can I suggest something u will look much better w/o the hair band” his comments can go on and on and on….it makes me extremely uncomfortable… at times I feel like to scream at him “its my bloody wish what I wanna wear and how I wanna wear!!!!!!!!!!!!!”God help me……

Thanks

I kindda of forget to mentioned about someone who cheered me up few weeks ago…yes few weeks ago today I suddenly remembered him for no apparent reason…guess I just missed him : ) its was few weeks ago on a very fine night I was feeling really really terrible, down and bad and u name it la…just felt like just to break down and cry…I didn’t wanna call anyone and disturb them coz it was quite late. So I decided to sms my friend coz I know he has this tendency of cheering up plp...at least i think so. he has very good sense of humour. so i sms “ so tell me something funny/ interesting” the reply was so funny…..it made me laugh...literally! I cant really reveal his message coz its kindda of offensive for certain plp. But trust me at that moment I neva ever thought he would say that or anybody would say that. It was pretty interesting piece of information ; ) After that we smsed for a while he really cheered me up. Thank you…thank u very much I know I can count on u. god bless u.

Dilemma....

most worried and anxious and un-settle thing about my life right now…yes right now is my HAIR!!!!….yes u heard me right my hair…: ( its so so frustrating …im struggling with my ‘transition’ hair, no kidding that is the exact terminology that they use when you try to out grow your chemically treated hair….wait let me put in a better way….stop treating the hair chemically and trying to grow ur natural hair…there that’s better explanation I guess. The bottom line is im trying to grow back my natural hair…yes the hair im having now is not natural all chemically 'abused’ I really really pity my hair…although I take care of my hair like a baby but still I abuse it too much with perming, straightening, colouring I think its time to give my hair a break. But the problem is I cannot TAHAN the process…its slow and frizzy and so un maintainable….my hair stylist suggest me to cut short…my bro also suggest cut short when I ask his opinion – yes I ask the whole world when its comes to my hair. …my god I don’t dare…what if its look awful...at least long hair I can tie up.….or shall I just go and chemically treat it….dilemma…..i have been reading and reading about hair transition until im bored of it. The deal is all the website suggest to cut hair short or get braids/cornrows/locks….but that would not be acceptable in the working environment.I have tie up my hair and also using head band for the time being….the best part is the I have 3 types of hair…my natural hair,…straightened hair and curled hair….can u believed its dreadful. I didn’t know until recently that they even have support group for this prob hahaha I should join the forum haha now im still contemplating should I grow my natural hair and let my hair healthy….or just go to the salon and chemically do something to my hair…and risk the health of my hair…mmmm…I have been thinking about it for almost 3 weeks…without a solution…everyone is sick and tired of me talking about the same topic over and over again…my dear frens im soo sorry I cant help it…I need help!!!!

what can i say....

Can u believe I made a difference in someone’s life or atleast influence in that person’s decision making. By the way the person im talking about used to be dear to me…but now I don’t hate that person…but just keep distance to avoid further confrontations. So I recently found out this person (or atleast I think) came out of closet…after reading my blog!!!! Can u believe my blog actually inspired that person to turn life into a better one…or then again that person may just did it to irritate me…hmmm can be both…..but I don’t care…nowadays im back to my cheerful mood….so nothing or nobody can take that away from me hehe
Someone ask me why are u soo happy nowadays…the person ask am I in love?! Am I ? how to know whether u r in love or not…most of the time it could be just lust. Some one else told me that deep down u will know its love…there is no scientific way to prove it. Actually I really wish there was a scientific way to prove it…so that no one can cheat others or we dnt cheat ourselves. This make me wonder have I ever been in love? I think I never been in love. whats love…how come u can love someone at the first sight…isn’t that more to lust than love. First sight…its just merely physical attraction!
Hey im side tracking from my original story…ok back to whatever I was writing..ok so the person made difference in life…so I hope it will remain the same…for everyone’s sake. Just that I don’t know la whether I perasan or not ….but I think that person “terasa” when read my blog….coz I was kindda bashing that person. I don’t regret but im happy that the person opt for a lifestyle change. Like I said before it takes only one person to ruin ur life or glorify (that maybe a over exaggerate word) ur life. So I would always like to be a person who made a positive change in someone’s life. And of coz I welcome anyone willing to make a positive change in my life. They are a lot of plp have done that for me. I will always remember those who left prints in my life. Its not always that u meet these kindda plp…so always treasure the one’s who always there to lift u up…on ur weakest moments. I have been blessed let me repeat blessed with good family and best bunch of friends-from school to college to work place……I thank god for that. I believe in quality not quantity. I may not have 500/600 friends but I have friends who I think willing to catch me when im falling even though they gonna risk their life…Coz they know that I will do the same for them!!
Recent years I have drifted apart from my high school friends that I have been so closed with. Although we have what shall I say no time for each other but deep down inside I always remember them. I wish things could be like its used to be…but its kindda difficult. But I will promise my self that I will make the effort to be in touch with my long ‘forgotten’ friends. Im sorry guys if I ignored u or neva keep intouch. I neva meant to, its just that we are drifted apart. Thanks guys…thank you very much for the ones who still call me…although im so full of myself and my life…thanks to the ones who still remember me…thanks to the one’s who still messages me. I promise I will make effort. Wow im so out from my original story today I guess I have soo many things going on inside my head. The thoughts are just flowing ….u know today is those one of those days that u cant stop writing….i think today is my day. Few days back I have nothing to say and nothing to write but today…its keep coming. On weekend I was with my friend I had nothing to talk ….My friend was the one who was doing all the talking….pity her. Ok since I have soo much things to talk about bout its high time to call and irritate my friends…hehe

Dilemma....

most worried and anxious and un-settle thing about my life right now…yes right now is my HAIR!!!!….yes u heard me right my hair…: ( its so so frustrating …im struggling with my ‘transition’ hair, no kidding that is the exact terminology that they use when you try to out grow your chemically treated hair….wait let me put in a better way….stop treating the hair chemically and trying to grow ur natural hair…there that’s better explanation I guess. The bottom line is im trying to grow back my natural hair…yes the hair im having now is not natural all chemically 'abused’ I really really pity my hair…although I take care of my hair like a baby but still I abuse it too much with perming, straightening, colouring I think its time to give my hair a break. But the problem is I cannot TAHAN the process…its slow and frizzy and so un maintainable….my hair stylist suggest me to cut short…my bro also suggest cut short when I ask his opinion – yes I ask the whole world when its comes to my hair. …my god I don’t dare…what if its look awful...at least long hair I can tie up.….or shall I just go and chemically treat it….dilemma…..i have been reading and reading about hair transition until im bored of it. The deal is all the website suggest to cut hair short or get braids/cornrows/locks….but that would not be acceptable in the working environment.I have tie up my hair and also using head band for the time being….the best part is the I have 3 types of hair…my natural hair,…straightened hair and curled hair….can u believed its dreadful. I didn’t know until recently that they even have support group for this prob hahaha I should join the forum haha now im still contemplating should I grow my natural hair and let my hair healthy….or just go to the salon and chemically do something to my hair…and risk the health of my hair…mmmm…I have been thinking about it for almost 3 weeks…without a solution…everyone is sick and tired of me talking about the same topic over and over again…my dear frens im soo sorry I cant help it…I need help!!!!

More Liars

I don’t know whats happening to eveyone….another fren of mine …very young fren…who experience…how shall I put it….heartbreak…cheated…deceived…..ah…its like wats new …I just cant believe how many plp out there are having cheating as their part time job. I don’t agree when plp say if there are victims there will be cheaters…I don’t agree!!!! How could you know someone is cheating or not…unless he/she is very very very bad actors…but trust me most of the cheaters & liars…are damn good at it!!!!!
Lies after lies after lies…aren’t they tired of all the lies…aren’t they tired of the double life…so who are they actually …have they never ask the question to themselves…man I neva thought about it…these cheaters and liars are having pathetic life!!!!!!!!!! ….i feel sorry for them
Back to my fren story she actually said “Everything that I've been dreaming..the future with him had vanished” how sad is that for a young girl who is full of hope to say that…mmmmm anyway moral of the story….unfortunately I cant think of any moral value right now…..other than burn all the cheaters and liars…hahaha how cool if we can do that!!!!
Anyway to dearest young and beautiful (pls don’t perasan) fren ….move on …..its not that difficult. Take this incident as a lesson and move on…..concentrate on ur life and family…as they need u. u can always call me…. P/s : cheaters & liars – don’t get me wrong its not only guys but also applies for girls…

Who Is The Fool Now??!!

Being fooled once is acceptable but twice…isk isk hahahaha this requires laugh out loud. For Me and my dear fren…the most amazing thing recently happen to uson the same day…being fooled!!!!! But the only difference for the second time being fooled…we were actually fooling them…and they dnt even realise that hahaha
U can fool one… u can fool two …u cnt fool everyone….sooner or later u gonna fall….once u fall it gonna hurt soooo much hahahaha. One got real slap onthe face (unfortunately just figure of speech)…which made him have no balls to even say a single ...i think he dnt dare to say a thing for rest of his life!!!…the other haven’t kena anything yet…but remember the time is ticking…its called the karma ….what goes around will come around…I cant wait to witness it!!!! I wonder whats taking soo long…..im waiting for the day to tell that person ‘there u go’…or better still ‘serve ur face’ hahaha I was in a very mixed feeling today I was sooo angry but now im very very excited don’t know for what reason…today I discovered something which is like an evidence of someone’s lies and more lies…I was pissed at first …but now for no apparent reason im happy…smiling and giggling…no no im still sane and noim not high !! I wish was high though hahahaha. But im happy…maybe the thought of I was right? Or the feeling damn im better than that person? I have noidea….but im so glad that im happy. Should I called that person and rub salt on the wound nah …not worth it…dnt wanna spoiled my happy feeling. Its amazing how it only take one single human being to ruin ur entire life at least for now…everyday have to make ways to either hate or like that person….in my case obviously hate hehehe. Ok back to my happy mood…

Mistakes N Forgiveness

ever wonder about mistakes that we make. i made some major mistakes in my life...i think most normal person would..unless u r the perfectionist type like ms.van der camp hehehe anyway of all my mistakes there is one particular mistake that haunt me right now…actually for quite some time...and im sooo worried that its gonna haunt me for the rest of my life!!!!! how can i make sucha mistake when my whole life i avoid this kinda mistake????!!!! i really have to beat my self up...which obviously not going to do any good...so the best thing is that i have to learn to live with it.…..or I can learn to forgive myself. The hardest thing to do is forgive myself…its like I know it’s a mistake and I did it…so its my fault. Or should I used the short cut…which is fun…to blame the others, blame the society, blame the government, my personal favourite blame the guys coz they are the jerks…for non-jerk guys no offence ya….hahaha talking about jerks… I have met the most outstanding jerks of all. I think this guy will win the best jerk of all time….and rats if u reading the ‘mata juling’ will win the second best. Not only these 2 guys among the best jerks they are also the best actors I have eva came across….damn they can ACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I seriously suggest themto take up acting…it will be so easy for them to ride up to Hollywood. Geez…I wonder sometimes what make them think that the whole world is stupid except for them…ok enough about jerks!!! My blood pressure is going up and up talking about them.
Im looking for small little tiny tiny space in my heart to forgive this jerk…but its so difficult for me to even match the word forgiveness to that person's face. its a suffer for me to not able to forgive this person, its like eating my heart out...evryday thinking and thinking about it. I even think of a way to take revenge,...ya me revenge??? thats not me at all!!!for the record im just thinking of a way just to satisfy my anger…im not tat crazy to actually to do it. Im still bonded by moral values hehehe. Usually for a non special case I can easily forgive plp....i might not forget but i will forgive....and move on.…but this particular case too extra special case its so difficult to forgive…… i really need professional help i guess hahaha
Anyway I believe time will tell whether I can forgive or not…

Did i miss the boat?!

One of the receptionist ask me for the 2nd time “are u married”…oh gosh….i ask her back “ do I look like married to u???!!!”…but of coz in nicer tone..i don’t wanna find trouble with receptionist….i need them quite frequently to do some of my dirty works and also to ease up my works hehe especially to chase away some annoying plp who don’t know the meaning of “boss not free!!”.
So back to story, the receptionist said “no its just that plp get married young age these days”. Then she starts to talk, I found out that she’s only 28 my god I thought she was 35/36…I was stunned to know that she’s still young. she have 3 kids and expecting 4th now. Her first child is 8 years old, married when she was only 20. no wonder she keep bugging me whether I was married or not…I guess she wants the whole community to be married at her age. Just few minutes of chat she told me the whole history of her married life!
Then again she ask me the million dollar question which im sick and tired of answering especially to my aunties ”why u r still not married?”. For me marriage is not a simple thing ,….its commitment of lifetime…which I don’t think im ready for and further more Im still young (that’s really perasan statement!) plus im single by choice…im very much happy with my life right now …I have my freedom …plus I don’t have to do housework haha
Another interesting question plp asked me before was “did u miss the boat???” Did I miss the boat!!!! Or did I miss the boat???? That question really strike me….did I miss the boat? So I did my own survey go around in the office ask the female and male colleague of mine who are married how they met their partners. To my surprise most of them know their spouse since school or college or uni… ….the other half met their spouse in the working place… that rather intriguing conclusion
So I analysed when I was in school ….i neva really meet guys…coz I was in non co-ed school. Then when in college I was too way too busy with friends and partying. Im talking about serious relationships here …not dates and jerks that we meet in the clubs. So where was I, ah I met quite interesting number of jerks…none fit the “serious” relationship category …. Ex-s all jerks or too young to be married with hehe…one of my friend teased me by slapping reality on my face “u know ur ‘bf ‘ was in standard 5 when u r in form 5!” Btw just to note that this happen way before justin and Cameron hook up – so it wasn’t a trend thing…it was more like ‘y not’ thingy hehe
So left with work place…oohh let me see there are handful of jerks, some really “gatal” guys, few sex maniacs (everything have to have connection with sex, cant have a normal conversation at all...and their eyes wanders around), the really good guys are married, rest are old and married fellows. So its not me its my environment hehe So nowadays when plp ask whether i miss the boat or not, i just tell them its ok if i miss the boat , I can always take a plane ;p

Holiday

I had a wonderful holiday last week although it was just a 5-day trip. The utter most memorable thing about the trip was meeting my friend who I haven’t met in like few years to be exact around 3 years. I had so much of fun…together with rats and jesse. But today while im writing this feeling so sad and lonely becozim missing my fren…sakti I miss u gal and believe it or not im missing rats and jesse who I can always meet any time I want. I guess im just missing being withthese gals day and night…and obviously away from reality of life. Today waking up feeling “oh god….do I have to go to work!!!! Damn I have to drive!!!”. Todayin the office I have no mood to work…my boss came like in the afternoon as usual with his sarcastic comments and im as usual with no emotion n expression when around him which really irritates him but he cant do anything about it hahahaha last year he asked me “how come you can laugh and smile to others but not to me?” then just to irritate him i showed a blank expression he goes like “what?? Your smile is to expensive is it??!!” again I looked at him with no emotion. Then he was shaking his head to show give up expression…whichfor me it was a victory sign hahahhaha ok enough about him ..back to my holiday story.
important motive of this trip was to spend quality time with friends which I personally think have achieved. There are soo many sweet memories of this trip but there is only one thing I hate about this trip…that I wish neva happen….i wish it can be vanished from the memories of plp that have witnessed it. I did something soo embrassing and dumb and stupid call whatever u want too…I went clubbing with rats,sakti and sakti’s cousin. Everything went fine and we even get a free place to sit…thanks to rats and her accent (have to pay around 500 bucks just to sit that exclude the cover charge…which is ridiculous… I thought Malaysia was expensive but there worst). So we had few drinks I admit I was tipsy but definitely not drunk…so I and rats decided to go to the dance floor….i supposed to lead her but guess what I bang my self to the glass wall which I though was the door!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my god it was damn embarrassing…obviously I laugh at my self before anyone could…only one thing to console my self at that moment no body knows me there thank you god…thank you so much…thank god it neva happen in kl!!! And to add salt to the wound sakti’s cousin have witness it…and he seksa me …keep on telling everyone about it!!! Its sooo embarrassing…I wish can turn back time but who am I kidding!? I think I need couple of years to forget this traumatic incident….aaagggrrrrhhhh!!!!....why me!!!???? Mmmm....like i said i need atleast few years before i get over this....
one thing caught my attention was the traffic...it was terrible my god …I actually felt lucky to be driving in Malaysia…Malaysian drivers are way much more decentand considerate on the road (not all but most Malaysian drivers). If they let me drive there I will definitely die of heart attack, its that terrible…everyone like to honk …they don’t use their signal light but hon…but amazingly Malaysia havehigher road accidents…mmmm wonder why. They have beautiful, new, expensive cars but they have no fear of getting it scratch!! One thing I cant take it is the traffic…other than the traffic I have no other complaints.
So I don’t know when im gonna meet sakti next….hopefully as promised she will come down to kl this june…or may be not…just have to cross my fingers whilewaiting. So when she is down here I have to be atleast a good host…because she has been an excellent one. Im trying to figure out what the least I can do to makeher stay in m’sia a pleasant one. Still figuring....
So for me next trip should and have and must be to phuket…coz the other day in airport I saw a damn damn yummy looking surfer hehe ….I told my frens next tripis to phuket so i can get to meet more of these surfer dudes…next course of action is to take up surfing lesson because according to my ‘expert’ fren, surfersonly will hang out with surfing chicks…. but before that i need swimming lessons first hahahaha. Neva mind August still few months away atleast I can have somebasics stuff learn by then. or I just pretend to drown hopefully good looking surfer dude who is tall and well build and well build and tall and feast for theeyes (like the one I saw in the airport) would rescue me …ya dream on!!!! Actually to think about it, i was more attracted towards the surfing board rather than the dude...he was tall and well build and everything but the minute i saw him with the surf board he was amazingly attractive hhhmmmm...same as how i like pilots.... just becoz they can handle planes which for me so damn cool and not forgetting their uniform hehehe ...to think about it i like planes better thanpilots...or should i say im attracted to the pilots because of the plane...tat kindda weird to be attracted to “things”...should blame national geography and travel n discovery channel hehehe...anyways i loved and enjoyed my holiday i wish it was longer.... next trip is to phuket ;)

Speechless…me ?????!!!!!!

For me on the 27 march 2006 first time in history (at least my lifelong history) I was out of words…for plp who know me that’s like definitely …..shocking news hehe. Not only I lost of words but lost of emotion!! … emotions run around my head, mind, heart whatever u wanna call it w/o knowing how to feel. The story goes like this, before I begin let me warn maybe some of u after reading will say ”ceh!! Tahts all ah?!!” dnt say I neva warn hehe…but those been in my shoes u will get what I mean…
Ok there is a girl no lady no woman mannnnn I don’t know wat to call her…she is 29 married….but look like autie but tries to wear really skimpy clothes coz she thinks that she is pretty and sexy when the fact she is not near there at all…she really need professional help if she wanna call herself pretty and sexy …I may sound mean but she is a devil…compared to me!!!! OK her important role is to “cuci kasut”
“butterup” “put ice” whateva plp call it…but let me assure smthg she will definitely win the grand price if there were a reality show on “who can suck up boss to the max!”.…she is the type willing to go to any extent. And obviously my boss love it. actually so used to it but on the 27 march saw something that gonna haunt me atleast for few years to come…this girl print out approximately a3 size picture of my bos!!!!! And she display it on her workstation!!!!! Arrrggghhhh???!!!! Every body can see it !!!!!! my god!!! Its just a pic of him on a opening ceremony she is not even in the pic!!!…when I saw the pic in her place im out of emotions…she said the pic brings….INSPIRATION. I wanna throw up …I thk I can vomit so much that blood can come out…My range of emotion, the first instant it was disbelieve of what im seeing, I laughed, I asked few plp whats up with the pic….one of her colleague told me it was her inspiration, I laugh so hard that I had tears on my eyes…then I look at the pic again…I felt sooo disgusted, then I felt so angry coz of her extreme suckupnes…which make the rest of us look bad especially ME!!! Then I felt sorry for the girls husband then I felt disgusted again …but most of all im speechless. The deal is if u wanna suck up to ur boss pls don’t make public !!!!!! oh man…she sucks!!!! She gets good bonus…for displaying his pic!!! One of my collegues was giving me idea to place boss’s pic in my workstation…I told “hell NO!!!!!over my dead body!!!!!”.

Driving = stress = hate

my first day on the road by myself was one of the most nerve wreaking experience I ever had. For most plp it might sound like nonsense so does my brothers, they laugh at me so much that I really feel like to strangle them!!!!! They always crack jokes about my “driving skills”. I am so so scared of driving, avoided it my entire life until recently. The first time I went for my driving test when I was 17 obviously without a doubt I failed hahahahhaha I went for the exam just becaz I had sooo much pressure frm my parents to get a valid driving licence. After failing the exam, I effectively avoided the topic of driving licence approximately fro 9years…although my parents constantly nag me sooo much on getting a driving licence and car. I always convince them, that I can rely on public transport…just to avoid driving. But my dad is a tough shell to crack he literally forced me to get my licence. Again its not a big surprise I failed hahahaha but this time I was determine to get it done… finish off the headache once and for all…so the next attempt …thank god I passed….must thank my lucky stars.
After obtaining my licence my dad again forced me to drive practically everday but me being me everytime successfully avoid it with my own little scheme hahaha until my dad gave up…I feel bad but hey the plan works!!!
Beginning of 2006, fate played a really nasty game on me!! It gave me no choice but to get a car and drive!!!!oh why ?! why me?!I was cursing my fate so much … it double crossed me…the only thing I don’t wanna do in my life was to drive…and there was my fate left me with no choice but to drive.
So the first day of my driving I woke up in the morning with a heavy heart remember im not use to driving at all, just occasional drive around the town when forced by my bro (another mentor of mine after daddy).
On the first day my bro supposed to follow me but unfortunately last minute he was requested to go on a site visit arrragghhhhhh!!!!!!! That was really what I call twist of fate this time I have to pay back for cursing my fate…this was my personal worst case scenario. I really wished it was nightmare that I can wake up but who am I kidding!!…I cried…yeap I cried…and try to motive myself “I can do this….plp fly airplanes with hundreds of life in their hand...this is just driving with only MY LIFE” and another thing came to my mind ….look at the Malaysian lady who was on the running to be come the first astronaut …she is brave what is driving compared to what she going to do.
So I get ready and went out sat on my car…and seriously I don’t know where I got the guts…I just drove but I guess things would not be that easy for me my bad luck strike againi….it was raining!!!!! And terrible jam…wat a combination chicken driver+ first day driving w/o mentor + terrible jam+ raining…my day couldn’t be better!!!! ….atlast I reached office in one piece and neva harm anyone else as well!!!. then I realise that I have done it …I have really conquered my greatest fear!!!!!!!!!!! My fly members was relive and happy that I actually done it and still alive.
So now I have been driving for like couple of weeks I still feel nervous, scared even scared of the motorbikers…I still have butterflies in my stomach …still not really used to the left side mirrors…still having difficulties changing lanes when jam (which I experience every damn morning!!)…still there are drivers who hon as usual even motorbikers hehehe …still avoid driving whenever possible but most of all I have conquered my only fear!!!!
Today looking back I have to thank my dad n mom forcing me to get my licence and drive. thanks n no thanks to my great bro who put me in this diff position in the first place…but what to do I still love him …I left with no choice hehehe. And my frens oh my good frens who gave me some really good encouraging advices…like ‘just dnt care about other drivers, just drive if they hon u … go even slower it will piss them off’ , ‘ aiyah just think the road is urs’, ‘ dnt worry la…if plp with ‘nice care’ try to bully u dnt give way, if there hit u they will suffer more damage to their ‘nice car’‘, ‘if u hit plp neva mind la….just claim insurance…that’s y we pay insurance’ , ‘just pretend like an experience driver….its all in the facial expression’ so my lovely frens thanks.
Journey continues…..

To My Courtesy friends....

After a long chat with my “real” friend, I cant help it, kept wondering who are the friends that i cnt forgive....those who neva invite me to the most important day of their life like wedding, or the one invite me to their wedding just to show of the “big fish” that they “caught”(for the record i wasn’t impressed : )haha), or the one just there to get something from me or hidden agenda, or the one just be my friend to test whether can get ‘lucky’, or the one were with me coz hv no other choice…the list can go pretty much on and on …but I learn something recently, I can forget and forgive all of those plp that I hv mentioned…seriously forget and forgive but I will neva eva forgive those who pretend to be my friend just for courtesy sake. ya trust me I have friend like that to be exact 2 so called friends.
Im ashamed of their behaviour, they dishonour the meaning of friendship. Don’t get me wrong im not talking about hi bye friends here. Im talking about friends who you share your joy and sorrow!
I wonder do they actually know the meaning of friendship???!!!! I don’t u/stand why they are still my friend...they call me for courtesy- i neva ask them too….they talk to me for courtesy- neva ask them too…they spend time with me for courtesy…my gosh I just don’t u/stand one thing y they are doing it!!!!!!!!!! Although I avoid them (btw one get the pic, the otha sooner or later) they don’t get it. Why they wanna be with me when they are not genuine!!! Just because they owe me smthg or just because they feel obligated or they feel guilty or just that they don’t wanna be the “bad “ one…if u don’t feel like to be my friend then DONT. I have sooo sooo many other good I mean really great awesome friends. I just want the “courtesy friends” to know that they don’t owe me anything!!!!!!!!! Friendship is not soemthign that ‘oh you were there for me ...so im here for u’ but in reality you forcing yourself!!thats pathetic …I know these plp were my friends to get something so called “valuable” (which makes me sick n definitely I don’t think tat “valuable” thing worth any penny haha) that I had…thank god I don’t hv it anymore…anyway I just hope they can erase me from their life…coz I did. As i said i have great bunch of friends which im happy to be there for them o share their joy and sorrow...I would not neva eva hurt a friends feeling by being merely a courtesy friend!! But my so-called courtesy friends hv lost a very good friend, actually 2 very good friends guess that’s history now. I just wanted some closure…now afta pouring it here I feel much betta. Now my journey continues with genuine friends!! By the way looking at the bright side.....i have to thank my courtesy friends who inspired me to start blog hahahahahahahahahah